Sucks being the older one

Sometimes we go through hard times and all you want to do is block out anything and everything. You don’t want to talk about it, you don’t want it to keep you from having a good day. You hold it all in and once it builds up enough you blow it out on the ones you love the most…

I love my parents with everything I have but sometimes I just don’t feel that they understand me. They tell me over and over your going to wish you listen to us with some of the decisions you choose to make, but they don’t realize that I have to learn on my own and maybe it turned out bad for them but I’m different. I’m a whole different person and this is a different time. I feel like they judge everything just based on the way they lived and how they were when they were young. What they don’t realize is that my life is way different than the way they lived when they were my age. They are already married when they were my age. I know they want to have me learn from their mistakes but I’m the type of person that learns from my own mistakes. But who is to say this is a mistake? Who is to say what is right or wrong? I’m a traditional girl but not everything I do has to be that way. What if I feel this is the best move for me? What if this will make me a stronger person? It could teach me a better lesson than I could learn from them? I’m a lot smarter than they think I am. Sometimes I don’t think they realize that. If I felt at all inside my heart I would not be choosing what I have decided to do. I’m the type of girl that goes with her gut feeling. And I am very good at it. I get it from my dad. I am a strong girl and I know how to take care of my self. I have always been tough since I was little. I know what is right from wrong. I have made mistakes in the past but I always learned from them. This is just a step in life that I want to take now, it may not be in the order that they feel is “traditional” but its something I want to do. They have many points, but the thing is I have already thought about it all. I’m growing up and I don’t think they see that. Or maybe they just don’t want me to, so its kind of holding me back. I am the oldest and they have no idea what it’s going to feel like. I’m the one they experience everything with for the first time. They are learning through me too. I guess Mikey will have the easy life because they will already know what to expect thanks to me. But I guess it is just going to take time and I just have to be patient. These days it’s ok to do what I am choosing to do. But they don’t know that. I have my reasons why I want to do it. And to be honest I have my mind made already, so I guess we will see how it all goes from here.